


All Is Bright

by HawkMoth



Category: Firefly
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Originally published 2/14/2003, Probable AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 13:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1081784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HawkMoth/pseuds/HawkMoth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A captain, his crew, shoreleave and a holiday. That's a fun mix. Oh yeah, this is going to go great.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written between December 2002 and February 2003, my first attempt at a true Firefly ensemble story (and my fourth completed work for the series). First released on Valentine's Day 2003, as a gift to the fandom and a tribute to the marvelous cast.
> 
> Also known as the one that ate my brain.

******

Wheel never stops turning.

Luck, whether you depend on it or not, is ever-changing.

Time, according to any form of reckoning, moves on, often without notice.

After a rough spell and some close calls, the crew of Serenity found themselves on the upside. A tip from one of Inara's favored clients led them to Tarquin, a Rim world settled longer than most, which could lay claim to being prosperous. Well, fairly prosperous. Definitely not poor, and seemingly void of any Alliance presence. At the very least, a place where they could contract for an actual honest day's work, ferrying construction materials from one side of the planet to the other. 

They did the job well enough to be given another two days of such labors, the consequence being they wound up with almost as much cash as they'd earned selling off the drug haul from Ariel. It was a shiny realization.

After some consideration, Mal ordered Wash to set the ship down at the small space port outside of Tarquin's third largest settlement, figuring the first and second, which deigned to call themselves "cities," might be riskier propositions. Bountytown was smallish and simple, but still a pleasant place for shoreleave.

It was just past noon local time when the crew gathered in the common area, after Mal had divided up the take. "We worked hard for this," he said, handing over shares. "So I figure we've earned ourselves a bit of a holiday. Go on out, see the sights. Spend what you want, save what you can."

"How long have we got, Captain?" asked Zoe, as she and Wash counted up their combined pay.

"Think we'll take off day after tomorrow," he said, smiling as he gave Kaylee her pay. "If anyone wants to spend a night off-ship, just let me know."

"Shiny!" Wash murmured, giving his wife an arch look. 

Book, sitting nearby, smiled knowingly as he tucked his money away. Then he glanced sharply at the captain, as if something important had just crossed his mind. With a quiet, "Excuse me," he got up and left.

Jayne looked up from his pile of cash, scowling. "Hey--this ain't right. I thought we got double pay on that last run!"

"We did," Mal replied evenly, though the look he gave Jayne was icy. "Enough so's I could spread the cash around a little differently this time." He stopped by the couch where Simon was sitting with River. "Here ya go, Doc, and here's baby sister's allowance, too." He gave Simon two small bundles of bills.

The young doctor looked at him, puzzled. "What? I know River's been helping Kaylee with chores, but I don't expect--"

Mal cut him off with a raised hand. "No worries. I figure she more than earned it, way she outfoxed that bounty hunter." He gazed down at River with a crooked smile. "Smart girl."

She stuck her tongue out at him, then turned to her brother. "Hand it over."

He did so, with a pleased smile of his own. "Thank you, Captain."

Mal nodded, his attention already elsewhere. As the others chatted about their plans, he casually approached Inara, who was sitting by herself in the corner. He still had one packet of bills in his hand, which he held out to her. 

"Here," was all he said.

She looked up at him, startled. Generally, she took no part of what the crew earned, except for what was shared in common--food, ship and shuttle maintenance, or unexpected windfalls. What Mal was offering her looked to be equal to a month's rent.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, in a surprised whisper.

"You got us the job," he said, his voice almost as low, "so you get a cut."

"Mal!" she said in exasperation. "I did that as a favor. I didn't expect to be paid."

He shrugged, almost insolently. "Fine. Then consider it hazard pay. Or a one-time only refund on your security deposit." It was as close to an apology as he could come for the high risks of their life in the black. His eyes grew dark as he stared at her intently. "Just take it, Inara."

She knew better than to defy that tone of voice. "Thank you," she said softly, accepting the money and folding her hands over it demurely. "I--I'm glad the job worked out so well."

The moment passed, and Mal smiled. "I am, my own self." He realized the others were still hanging about, some casting curious looks in his and Inara's direction. "What are y'all sitting around for?" he said, raising his voice. "Get the hell out of here and enjoy yourselves!" 

As they took off in various directions, Simon came over with River in tow. He seemed a bit anxious. "Captain, I'm not sure River and I should risk venturing off the ship. I know how far out of Alliance influence we are here, but still--"

Mal clapped him on the shoulder. "I don't think there'll be anything to worry about. I had Wash double-check all the local channels before we touched down. Not a whisper about Serenity, nor a word concerning any tagged fugitives. No Feds, neither; just homegrown lawmen who've got other things on their minds." He gave the doctor an encouraging shake. "Go on--have some fun."

"Please, Simon," River begged, tugging at his hand. It was a joy to hear her sound so close to normal. Simon had recently hit upon a course of treatment that was working well, although she still had moments of "receptiveness," as he called it. "Pretty please? I want to go out with Kaylee!"

"I don't know..." He was still very hesitant, obviously remembering another planet-side expedition that had gone sour.

"That ain't gonna happen again," Mal said quickly, hitting on the same thought. "Tarquin's a mite more civilized than Jiangyin. You go on now."

Simon looked at his sister, and was unable to resist her eagerness. "All right," he agreed. "But only for an hour or two," he warned her.

River nodded dutifully. "Or three," she whispered conspiratorially to Mal and Inara as Simon led her away in search of Kaylee.

Mal chuckled. "They'll be okay."

"Yes," Inara said. "At least you checked out the situation first this time," she added chidingly.

He grinned, not rising to the bait. "So, you got plans?"

She didn't take the line, either. "I've heard the town actually has a bookshop. Perhaps I can pick up a few bargains," she said, rising and heading regally toward the stairs. "And you?" 

Mal looked around thoughtfully before answering, an odd little smile on his face. "Oh, I got plans, all right."

******

Jayne climbed out of his bunk, wearing the cleanest clothes he could scrounge up. He had slipped an extra gun into one boot, and his second favorite knife was sheathed in the other, 'cause you could never be too careful on a new world. His first objective was to find a bar, then a bordello--or even better, an establishment that combined the two. He was gonna get drunk, get laid, and have himself a fine old time.

Yup, he thought, heading down the foredeck access way, it was long past time to let off some steam. Life on Serenity had its moments, and he wasn't so much of a stubborn fool not to realize that living mostly under Malcolm Reynolds' rules was probably a better life than he deserved. But leave time wasn't something to be squandered.

He vaulted around the corner to the stairs, and found himself an obstacle to his plans.

The captain was leaning up against the railing, arms crossed, legs stretched out and blocking the way down to the hatch. "Jayne."

"Hey there, Captain." He didn't mean to take a step backwards, but somehow did it anyway. "I was just headin' out. You know, spend my money, like you said."

"Uh-huh." Mal straightened up a little. "Just so long as you don't plan on earning any, if you comprehend my meaning?"

Jayne's back stiffened. "Gorramit, Mal, ain't you ever gonna let me forget that?"

Mal gave him a look that could stop a man's heart. "Not ever in this 'verse."

Which was probably the rutting truth. "Aw, hell, be that way. I ain't gonna get that stupid again, all right? Can I just go out and have me some fun?"

"So long as we're clear," Mal said, stepping aside. 

"Yeah, we're clear," Jayne muttered grudgingly. He strode on by and clattered down the stairs. Even though he glanced back and saw Mal turn to head topside, he still felt cold eyes watching him all the way to the hatch.

******

This part of Tarquin was in the midst of an autumnal kind of season, so the air was crisp, and the sky more gray than blue. As on many outbound worlds, the port area merged almost seamlessly into a commercial district. Just beyond Serenity's docking place, people were bustling about, conducting business noisily but cheerfully.

Shepherd Book, bundled in his clerical cape, stood on the edge of the loading ramp with Kaylee, who was waiting anxiously to see if River and Simon would be coming along to have some fun. They waved as Zoe and Wash went hurrying on past them, each toting a small duffle.

"I expect we won't see them till takeoff time," Book remarked.

"Nope," Kaylee said with a grin. "They been dyin' to get off-ship, and find a nice place with clean rooms and bathtubs and real food. They'll hole up there and just ma--" She broke off at the sight of Book's raised eyebrow. "--and just have a whole lot of fun!"

"As they should," he said drily. He gazed out over the bazaar, noting certain details that confirmed a fact he had checked earlier. He was still dismayed with himself for having nearly let it slip by. Such matters had been unimportant for too long in his old life, before the Abbey. "Kaylee, there was something the captain said--"

Jayne, hat drawn low over his eyes, came bounding out of the ship so hard that the ramp shook.

"Have a good time," Kaylee called out to him. 

"I sure as hell intend to!" he shouted back.

Book stared after him. "My, he seemed--eager." 

Kaylee nodded, impatiently bouncing up and down on her feet. "Jayne always likes being in the world." She craned her neck, looking back into the ship. "I hope Simon don't get all prickly and decide against coming along."

"I'm sure they'll join us soon," Book assured her, shelving his own concerns for now. "And what about the captain? Surely he's going to get out and about?"

She whirled around, suddenly all seriousness. "Oh, no--not if he ain't got no business to tend to. Times like this--which we don't get too often--he prefers to stay on the ship. He likes the quiet."

"Really." Another piece to the puzzle that was Malcolm Reynolds fell into place for the Shepherd. Perhaps what he'd said about a holiday had merely been a figure of speech, after all.

"Oh, yeah. He may go on out later or tomorrow, to pick up supplies and such, but for now, he'll just stay put." Kaylee, as always, was very accepting of her captain's ways. "Oh, good--here they come!"

The Tams were walking across the cargo bay, Simon diligently giving his sister last-minute instructions.

"--stay with Kaylee or me at all times. No wandering off. If you start feeling sick or uncomfortable, tell me immediately and we'll come right back. Don't talk to--"

River put a hand over his mouth. "Simon. Don't be such a dummy."

He gently pushed her hand away, eyes full of worry. "I still think this isn't such a good idea." He pulled her jacket more snugly around her slight frame.

She took his hand and rubbed it against her cheek. "It's okay. I'll be careful, I promise." She turned to face Kaylee, who was approaching them shyly. "Besides, I have to keep Kaylee out of trouble," she said, giggling.

"Yeah, we'll be A-OK, Simon," Kaylee said. "Cap'n made me promise to behave, too."

Simon finally released his sister. "All right, then--"

"Woo! Here we go!" Kaylee grabbed River's hand, and they went racing gleefully down the ramp, into the throng of buyers and sellers.

"Slow down!" Simon yelled after them, unheeded.

Book put an arm around his shoulder and urged him on. "Don't worry, son. We'll manage to keep up. No doubt we'll find them at the first stall full of pretties we come to. There's no power in the 'verse that can keep two females with money from spending it."

As they followed after the girls, he continued. "Tell me, have you realized what time of year it is?"

******

The captain of Serenity walked his ship.

Topside, he looked out over the portion of town that was visible through the cockpit window. It appeared to be a decent enough place, a brief safe harbor for his crew. He checked a few readouts, then went on down through the foredeck gangway to the kitchen. There, he made himself a cup of tea, and carried it with him as he made a quick foray into the engine room. Kaylee was the one who could make real sense out of the jumble that was the ship's inner workings, but Mal had his own brand of intuition that told him everything here was smooth.

He made a mental note to check with his little mechanical genius on what spare bits and bobs they should pick up before heading back to the sky. No sense taking any chances, and maybe they could make this spell of luck last a mite longer.

His footsteps echoed pleasingly as he clambered down to the cargo bay to make sure the inner hatch was secure. Up then to the crossways catwalk, where he took another moment just to look at things, and let possibilities roll through his mind. He briefly considered climbing up to the door of Shuttle One and politely knocking, but Inara was probably long gone, out there doing what he'd told them all to do.

Which was fine. If he was in a talkin' mood, he wouldn't be here by his own self, appreciating the solitude. 

Finally, he made his way back to the common area, pausing to peer into the infirmary window. The gleaming emptiness of it was a joyful sight. 

Down in the commons, he stretched out on the couch with his feet up. He finished the tea, set the cup on the floor, leaned back and shut his eyes, letting the quiet seep all the way down into his bones. "Oh, yeah," he whispered. "Real big plans."

Just him and Serenity. More than enough.

Drifting off, he never heard the soft footfall and whisper of silk from above. 

Inara leaned over the railing, watching Mal sleep. It was a such rare sight--off his guard, so completely at peace, that she couldn't help but smile. Yet she felt a twinge of sadness, for he deserved far more, for all he did, all that he endured, for the sake of his crew.

With a sigh, she turned away, steeling her heart once more against feelings no Companion could allow herself. The least she could do was leave him as he seemed content to be--alone.

******

The little cafe was tucked down a side street, out of the noise and bustle of the main commercial district. An outdoor seating area was quite pleasant, despite the chill in the air, for enjoying hot tea, rice cakes and cookies. Kaylee and River were at one side of the table, comparing purchases, while Book and Simon sat at the other, discussing Book's earlier observation.

"I find it very hard to keep track of time on the ship," Simon admitted. "There's usually too much else for me to think about. And we've been so many places--not every world adheres strictly to the old calendar."

"That's understandable," said Book. "But Serenity's clock is set by the standard ways, and so, obviously, is Tarquin's."

He made a broad sweeping gesture, taking in the colored lanterns that adorned the buildings around them, the bright ribbons falling in streamers from windows. Sprigs or wreaths of green hung on almost every door. Elsewhere, the occasional shining golden star or smiling angel gleamed brightly.

Simon shrugged, bemused. "I guess I knew it was December, but I hadn't given any thought to Christmas."

River raised her head. "Time to shine," she said softly. "Time for shiny presents."

He frowned, suddenly remembering the circumstances in which she'd spoken similar words. They'd stayed with him for a while, making him reconsider Jayne's heroics on Ariel, disturbing him more than River's odd segues usually tended to. He'd almost dismissed those concerns, while remaining ever more watchful, but he did recall how her innocent-sounding remarks had so unsettled Jayne.

Kaylee appeared a little unsettled herself, as if she was also pushing away bad memories. "It's nice then, ain't it--we get to do some shopping at Christmas time," she pointed out, with a faint smile.

Book poured more tea for everyone. "How do you celebrate Christmas on Serenity?" he asked.

"Well...we don't, mostly," she answered hesitantly. "I asked, when I first come on board, you know, that first year, but Zoe said no, they didn't really mark the day. Her and Wash--they give each other little presents, if they can. Me and Inara too, last year. And if we got the means, we try to have a real nice meal, just because..." She saw Book giving her his most priestly look, and trailed off.

He nodded thoughtfully. "So the captain doesn't allow it."

"Aw, that ain't fair, Shepherd," she scolded him. "Cap's never said no, not outright. It's just--we ain't never made a big deal out it, is all."

"Then perhaps," Book said, his face set with a determination they'd all become familiar with, "it's about time we did."

Kaylee's mouth dropped open. River, who'd been following the conversation with eerie intentness, clapped her hands in delight.

Simon couldn't believe what he was hearing, after what Kaylee had said. "Oh, no, Book. I don't think that's a very good--"

"Hey, kids!"

Wash and Zoe were right across the street. He waved exuberantly, then grabbed Zoe's hand and hurried over. They were each carrying several bags and bundles.

"Hey, you two," Kaylee said in welcome. "Whatcha doing, out and about?"

Simon stood up immediately and offered Zoe his seat. She gave him a blank stare, then shook her head, taking it as graciously as she could. Wash just grinned, then snagged a couple of stray chairs for himself and the doctor.

"Having us some fun," he said, grabbing a handful of snacks from the plate River held out to him shyly. "You guys must have noticed--it's almost Christmas! Zoe and I had to do some shopping." He reached into one of the bags, and pulled out a new cap, which sported a multicolored embroidered dinosaur across the front. "Doesn't my wife have great taste?"

Zoe smiled at him, patting his hand. "Yes, dear, and if we do any more shopping, we'll be hard up to pay our bill at the inn."

He blissfully ignored her. "You know, I haven't been able to find her a slinky dress anywhere in this town," he complained, winking at Kaylee. "I had to settle for some slinky--"

Seeing Zoe's look of vexation, Simon quickly jumped in. "We were just talking about that--err, Christmas, that is," he sputtered, as Zoe's attention shifted to him. 

"Shiny presents," River piped up.

Kaylee nodded, a wistful smile on her face. "Yeah, Shepherd thinks we oughta do something about it--maybe have a bit of Christmas on Serenity."

Zoe's expression went rock-hard. "Even a bit of Christmas would be too much on Serenity," she said firmly.

"Well..." Kaylee lowered her head, her smile gone.

Wash frowned. "Ahh, c'mon, Zo'--what would it hurt?"

She leaned back and folded her arms. "It's just not a good idea."

"That's what I said," Simon put in, wondering if he was being helpful. He did like being on Zoe's good side though, just as much as Mal's. Then he took in Kaylee's growing disappointment, as well as his sister's narrow-eyed stare of disapproval, and felt like a cad.

Then Kaylee raised her head, her expression nearly as steely as Zoe's. "Well," she said, all manner of defiant, "why not? Cap'n don't have to be part of it if he don't want to."

"She's absolutely right," Wash stated before Zoe could raise further objections. "Look, hon--we're not in the sky, we're not on the job. We're on leave, officially granted and sanctioned by Mal, so it's not his worry if we decide to have a party--of any kind." He took her hand and squeezed it. "Besides," he went on, with a cheeky grin, "what's he gonna do? Fire us all and pitch us off the boat?'

"I wouldn't put it past him," Simon muttered under his breath, earning a sharp look from Zoe.

Book gave him one, too. "Hush, son." He turned to the first mate. "If any trouble comes from this, leave it to me. I'll square things with the captain."

"Would you now, Preacher?" She studied him thoughtfully, well aware of the hopeful way the two young girls were waiting. "I believe I'd pay good money to see that." She picked up Wash's new hat, and scrunched it down playfully on his head. "All right--we're in."

Wash gave her a hearty kiss. "What a woman!"

"Okay, I'm in too," Simon conceded, feeling an unexpected but pleasant rush of warmth when Kaylee smiled at him gratefully. It might turn out to be a very good thing for River, who was also beaming at him, and for everyone. Maybe even the captain. He'd seen stranger things happen on Serenity.

Then a thought occurred to him. "Book, when is Christmas, exactly?

"Today's the twenty-second of December," he answered promptly. "Christmas itself is three days away."

Kaylee's face fell. "Aw, we'll be off-planet by then. That'll make it harder to put by the captain."

Wash reached over and squeezed her hand. "That's not a problem, sweetie. On my planet, they celebrate Christmas the whole week long, and make it run right into traditional New Year's."

"Really?"

"It's that way on quite a few worlds," said Book.

"Then..." An ecstatic smile lit up Kaylee's face. "Can we do it tomorrow? First thing in the morning?"

River was just as excited. "No time like the present," she said.

Zoe pursed her lips, thinking. "I don't see why not--it would be better that way, while we're on our leave time."

Kaylee jumped out of her chair, frantically gathering up her boxes and bags. "Then let's get a move on!" she urged. "We gotta buy decorations, and presents, and--and someone's gotta find Inara, and Jayne, and let them know--"

"We will, we will," Book reassured her, as they all got up, fired by her enthusiasm. "Everything will turn out fine."

After some brief conferring, they split up, each with a part to play in the Christmas caper.

*******

Bountytown wasn't so big, that it wouldn't be a simple task to track down Jayne. After dropping their purchases off at the inn, all Zoe and Wash had to do was leave the better part of town, then find the part that more closely resembled their usual stopovers on the Rim. The beat-up, messy, run-down side of town, where the hostels were small and cramped and the bars loud and dim-lit. Leaving his new dinosaur hat behind, Wash turned his vest inside-out, and Zoe strapped on her gun, the better to blend in with the slightly shady surroundings. 

Jayne was in the third saloon they tried, engaged in what looked to be a semi-friendly game of pool with a couple of grubby traders. They waited politely for the game to wrap up, caught Jayne's eye, bought him a drink, and sat him down in a fairly quiet corner for a talk.

"Christmas?" the big man snorted over a gulp of whiskey. "Whose dumb-ass idea was that? Crazy little River?"

"No," said Wash, squaring his shoulders and trying for an intimidating stare. "Shepherd Book and Kaylee's, actually. And the rest of us think it'll work out okay."

Jayne sneered at him. "Yeah, you would, ya big baby." He eyed Zoe insolently. "Can't believe you of all people would go along with this--knowin' how close you and Mal are, an' all. Ya know he'll go nuts."

She gave him a cool, steady look. "Captain's already a bit crazy; I've known that for years. Nothing bad's hanging over us right now, and I think it would be a shame not to let the kids have some fun."

" _Yeh-soo!_ " Jayne slapped his hand against the table. "You're gettin' as soft as your _yuchun_ husband there."

"Gee," Wash said pleasantly, "you think Mal knows who forgot to empty out the septic vat when it nearly overflowed last week? He was awfully busy negotiating the job, and somebody managed to misplace the duty roster since then."

Jayne muttered something unintelligible and took another swig of whiskey. "Fine. I'll come to your little party, but don't expect me to spend my money on fancy fixin's, and I sure as hell won't do no decoratin'!"

Wash smothered a smile. "No, of course not. But you do have to buy presents."

"What?!"

"Presents," Zoe repeated firmly. "For everyone. That's what people do at Christmas, Jayne. It's all about the spirit of giving."

"Yeah--and it's giving me a pain in the ass!"

"Septic vat," Wash murmured, looking up at the ceiling.

Jayne glared at them both. " _Tamade huun-dan_. I was enjoyin' this leave, up ta now."

As one, husband and wife stood up, mostly looming over him. "You're in?" Zoe asked.

"I guess." His forehead furrowed up in concentration. "Mal really ain't gonna like it."

"Yeah. We got that," said Wash.

"Preacher said he'd handle Mal," Zoe informed him. "That's what sold it for me."

"No shit?" A big evil grin creased his face. "Yeah, I'm in!"

Mission accomplished, more or less satisfactorily, they left. "I don't know about you, sweetie," Wash said, gently goosing his wife as they hit the street, "but I'm ready for a bath."

Back inside the smoky bar, Jayne sat contemplating the dregs of his whiskey. They'd never made much of a much outta Christmas in his family, the way they were always on the move--or the run.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying not to think about the crazy girl, and her ramblings on Ariel. Okay, so maybe she wasn't all that crazy now. Still spooky as hell, though, and damn unpredictable.

But someone had taken her Christmases away--and her mind, too, the way her smart-ass brother talked. Violated her in a way no one deserved. Somewhere, deep down inside, Jayne Cobb knew that was all sorts of wrong.

"Shiny presents," she had said, when they'd been in Fed custody.

Presents for everybody, Zoe and Wash had insisted.

Hell, what did he know about buying presents? What the hell would anybody buy for him?

The only thing he had to look forward to with this whole _fei-hua_ deal was making a contribution to the "Piss Mal Off" fund. 

He got up slowly, went to the bar, and ordered another drink. Then he paid his tab and wandered out into the street, weighed down by heavy thoughts he was unaccustomed to carrying around.

******


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens. Inara joins the conspiracy, while Mal goes for one hell of a walk. Lines are drawn, words are exchanged, and things get a mite unpleasant.

******

Shepherd Book had parted ways with the others, and gone off on his own, after offering to do some of the holiday food shopping. 

Which he definitely intended to do. However, along the way to the marketplace, he made a special stop.

The chapel was small, but well kept, standing out in its brick and mortar solidity amongst the surrounding clapboard and prefab buildings. A sign by the front door indicated it was run by an order not his own, although closely affiliated. It would do.

He entered the foyer, and smiled at the sight of a small manger scene set up in one corner. There didn't seem to be anyone about. He passed through into the sanctuary, where the fading light of the afternoon filtered in softly through frosted windows. The particular, unique hush of any house of worship quickly enveloped him, bringing a sense of peace, as it always did.

With a sigh, Book slipped into a rear pew and knelt, head bowed over his folded hands. Prayer was a refuge, his own place of retreat, especially aboard Serenity. Six years in the Abbey had been an escape into a place of healing, learning, and restoration. Perhaps he'd chosen to walk in the world again too soon, before he'd been completely healed and cleansed of his past sins.

Now, he lived in a world that seemed a step halfway back into that past, where the Shepherd waged war with the Hunter he had been. But he'd made that choice because it seemed he had no other. On Serenity he'd found hearts and souls in as much need of healing as he'd once been--and perhaps still was. He had learned that wrong could often be done for right, and that judgment and justice had new definitions out in the black.

He remembered the touch of Inara's hand, cool and gentle, on his head. Remembered her words, spoken as one voluntary exile to another. Remembered how quickly the battered old ship had come to feel like home, and her paradoxical crew like family. He had fought for them, and with them, and knew that he would continue to do so, all the while praying for them.

And himself.

******

Inara was almost as easy to find as Jayne. Simon and the girls were the logical choice to seek her out in the better part of Bountytown, in the more lush and pricey shopping district. It was only a few streets long and wide, but it had a definite atmosphere that Simon recognized instantly. Certainly, it was only a pale imitation of any city on Osiris, but he felt a moment of bittersweet longing for the life he had left behind.

Then he recalled the last time he had spoken to his father, and realized yet again that he had almost no regrets.

River was simply taking their surroundings in stride, seeing every experience as new. She laughed when Kaylee pointed out the elaborate display of dinnerware in a nearby shop window.

"Can't you just picture Jayne tryin' to make sense outta all them dishes and fancy forks?"

Simon laughed too. That would be a sight to savor.

Kaylee wisely suggested they look for Inara in the clothing shops first, but River wouldn't enter the second one they tried.

"She's not here," she announced flatly, refusing to budge at the threshold. She glanced rapidly up and down the street, through the crowds of holiday shoppers. "There!" she exclaimed, pointing eagerly to the end of the block, at a storefront they couldn't quite see.

"Well, won't hurt to look, will it?" Kaylee said to Simon.

"I guess not," he agreed, wondering if he'd ever get used to his sister's uncanny displays.

They walked down the block, River in lead. The store's facade came more clearly into view, with a window full of bound books and hand-helds. And through the glass they could see an unmistakable glamorous figure at the counter.

"Wow, Simon," Kaylee said, looking at River in admiration and a little awe, "she's better'n a bloodhound."

Before he could say anything, Inara spotted them through the window and waved. She completed her purchase and came out to meet them. "Hey, you three." She touched cheeks affectionately with Kaylee. "Are you all having fun?"

"More in store," River answered. "We have a plan."

Inara looked at Simon and Kaylee, puzzled. "A plan?"

Kaylee linked arms with her as they walked to find a quieter spot at the nearest street corner. "We're gonna have a party tomorrow on Serenity. A...Christmas party."

Inara stopped short, her eyes wide with astonishment. "Oh, _mei-mei_. You know that won't be easy." She turned anxiously to the doctor. "Simon, you don't know--this is not a good plan. Mal won't like it at all."

Simon gave a helpless shrug. "That's the message I've been getting. But we all agreed to it, Inara--even Zoe. And Book said he'd make things right with Mal."

"Oh, dear." She put a hand to her face, thinking.

"And if I have to," Simon went on bravely, "I'll back Book up." How, he had no idea. Unless he managed to dope Mal for the next eighteen hours or so...

"Please, Inara," Kaylee begged. "It won't be no fun without you."

"So much fun," River added winsomely, at her other side. "Please?"

With a wry smile, Inara finally gave in. "Eight against one are certainly better odds," she said to Simon. "Besides, how can I resist these two?" She drew both girls in for a hug.

Kaylee was grinning from ear to ear. "Let's go meet up with Wash and Zoe!" She took River by the hand, and they sped away at a pace close to a hard burn.

Inara and Simon followed more sedately. "I hope we won't regret this," he said, feeling uneasy despite his moment of bravado.

"What? Celebrating Christmas, or defying Mal?"

He shook his head. "Both, actually."

Inara laughed softly. "Don't worry, Simon. It won't hurt Malcolm Reynolds to remember that his crew can think for themselves once in a while."

She slipped her arm through his and they walked together, for the moment no different from the well-off, carefree people all around them. No matter how tomorrow turned out, Simon was grateful for the day of freedom he and River had been granted.

He didn't notice when the Companion's contented expression turned pensive.

Inara glanced back for a moment at the bookshop. She'd found some surprising treasures there, and realized she now had the perfect excuse to return to make one very specific purchase. It all depended on if the crew could pull off their audacious plan, and what actually happened tomorrow, before she'd know if she would regret it.

In the end, she knew it would all depend, as so many things did, on Mal.

******

It was the quiet that woke Mal up. Sure, he'd gone to sleep enjoying it, but that had been different. There was something about this quiet that didn't feel right.

Like it had gone on too long. He ought've been hearing some noise by now. He hadn't expected that everyone, except maybe Zoe and Wash, would all stay off the ship the whole afternoon. Somebody should've been back by this time.

He'd slept away his need for solitude, and felt the desire for some company. Truth be told, it was the need to know the whereabouts of his crew that had roused him from his nap--the instinct still active in him from the war. Everyone accounted for? Everyone safe?

No reason he ought to feel like an old mother hen--or an anxious young sergeant. This world was a safe enough place, and they could all take care of themselves. Even Simon and River--Doc had learned a thing or two these past months, and little sister had her own peculiar resources.

But as he left the commons, patting a bulkhead fondly as he went up the stairs, Mal couldn't help but wonder where the hell they all were, and what they were up to.

Just to make himself feel better, he went to the bridge and opened up the comm lines, checking the local channels and the Cortex, as he'd had Wash do before they had touched down. Everything seemed smooth--nothing had changed in the few hours they'd been here. Shaking off his worries, he decided it was high time he went out to see the sights, hunt down a few bargains, and maybe have a little fun. Might just happen that he'd run into one or two of his crew along the way, and pick up some company. That'd be nice.

Serenity should be fine on her own for a bit--part of why he'd picked Bountytown for a stopover was the fact the local law provided a security patrol for the docks. Mal made sure, though, to preset the new alarms Wash and Kaylee had rigged up. Only the crew knew how to gain entry to the boat without triggering some horrendous noises and a few nasty surprises.

"No getting into trouble while I'm gone, darlin'," he said softly, as he entered the last security code, indulging in the kind of fancy he'd never display in front of his crew. The glow from the standby readouts seemed to wink at him, and satisfied, he finally left the bridge. He dropped into his bunk to fetch his coat and gloves, checked his gun and adjusted his holster, then headed out.

"Don't bother, Captain," a voice called loudly just as Mal was securing the ramp hatch. He turned to find Book making his way toward the ship, awkwardly carrying a large box and a few bulging sacks.

"Well now, Preacher, sure looks as if you blew all your cash in one day." Mal popped the door back open. "Let me give you a hand with those."

Book stepped sideways, keeping his burden deftly out of Mal's reach. "No thank you, Captain, I can manage." He swung the box up through the hatch, setting the bags down carefully beside it, well out of Mal's sight. "This isn't all mine," he explained, turning around with a smile. "I offered to carry back a few things, since I was first on the way."

"Uh-huh." What was it about that particular smile of Book's that always made him feel like he'd done something stupid? "Where are the young'uns?" he asked, trying not to sound too concerned.

"Oh, I expect they'll be back directly," Book answered, climbing up into the ship. "Kaylee had a notion to fix up something special for dinner tonight."

Mal nodded, pulling on his gloves. "Well, that'll be nice. And if you're staying put, you might wanna disarm the security system, there. No need to be creatin' a fuss."

"Will do," Book said with a chuckle, giving a wave that was almost a salute.

As the Shepherd disappeared inside the hold, Mal gave Serenity one last look-over, then proceeded on to the market area. He hadn't gone far when he saw Kaylee and River hurrying along the main roadway, each as laden down with bundles as Book had been. They barely slowed their pace when they spotted him.

"Hey, hey, little ladies, what's your rush?" Mal asked, a bit surprised at how pleased he was to see them. "Kaylee, I'm gonna hunt down the local scrap yard. Drop off your load and come with me--we'll see if we can't pick us up some bargains."

The girls came to a restless halt. "Can't, Cap'n," Kaylee said, her cheeks all pink. "Got things to do."

"Big plans," River added, her voice high and light. She threw a glance at Mal, then giggled, quickly shifting her gaze down to the ground.

"Yeah, I know you want to fix up a fancy meal. Shepherd told me." But he was strongly craving some company now, so he held his hand out invitingly. "Supper can wait a bit--it's early yet. C'mon, we'll try to find that special wiring you been wanting for the hydraulics."

Kaylee bit her lip, shook her head, and began backing away, nudging River along. "I'm real sorry, Cap, maybe...maybe tomorrow, but right now--we gotta go." 

"Going now," said River, very firmly, and without a backward glance they ran off.

Mal stared after them, a mite put out by their abruptness. It wasn't like it had been that long since they'd had a decent meal on Serenity, to be making such a fuss now. They must have gone land-crazy or something, was all he could figure.

A bit preoccupied, he went on his way, stopping once to inspect a large stall where a fine assortment of leather goods was on display. Deciding the prices were overinflated, he walked on.

And came upon a sight that sent a shock of irrational jealousy clean through him.

Simon had by no means dressed up for a day on the town, and Inara was certainly dressed down by her usual high-class standards. The Companion would stand out in any crowd, on any world, simply for her own wondrous innate beauty and grace, while it was going take a little more time living on the edge before the doctor lost more of his Core-bred gloss.

But it hit Mal like a foul punch to the gut to see them strolling together so naturally, so much of a fine fit, as if they'd never either of them set foot on ship like Serenity, or faced the bitter uncertainties and hard facts of the life they were both in truth living. Simon had no doubt been raised to treat Companions as true ladies, equals in his society, and he respected Inara as a partner in adversity. Inara would never violate her Guild's rules, or betray her own personal scruples, to ever be anything more than a friend and confidante to the young doctor.

More of a friend, more trusting and respectful, than she could ever be to Malcolm Reynolds. More than he could ever be, to her.

Mal took two quick steps sideways, ducking into the shadows between market stalls. The young couple walked on by, heads bent together as they laughed and talked, never noticing his scrutiny. His insides churned with a furious despair, like they did on those vexatious occasions when Inara would talk about leaving Serenity.

 _Dah bien!_ He walked on blindly, deeper into the narrow alleyway, throwing out a fist to pound the nearest wall. Inara and Simon had every right to be friends, and he shouldn't give a good gorram about it, one way or another. He slammed the wall again, letting the sting of it temper the other hurt, struggling to get himself under control. Captain of a ship couldn't afford to let his emotions run wild, shouldn't care about his crew beyond the duty he owed to keep them alive and safe.

Mal sucked in a deep breath, and walked on back into the open, into the light. He tried setting his mind firmly to business, while silencing the part of him that would always care too much. He hadn't gone far when those efforts went unerringly south.

Following almost directly on Simon and Inara's heels, Zoe and Wash came walking up the road on a bearing for the ship. Mal stood dumbstruck when he saw them. What the hell would they want to go back for, with the plans he knew for certain they had for their leave? Kaylee's cooking--even with proper ingredients--wouldn't amount to enticement enough. To top it off, it appeared that the lovebirds had blown all of their pay in one shot, arms full of packages, just as Book and the girls--and, he belatedly realized, Inara and Simon had been similarly burdened.

What the hell was going on with his crew?

That was when he took his first real good look at his surroundings. His mind had been on other things since he'd left the ship, and he had been pretty much running on autopilot in between the unsettling encounters with his crew. He'd more or less dismissed Bountytown as just another settlement with slight delusions of grandeur, paying no real attention to how the place looked, or how folk were behaving.

Now he was really seeing what was going on around him. Sparkly lights just like the ones around Kaylee's door strung from power poles. Colored lanterns across each building. Wreaths of green, stars of gold, and everyone's face shining with anticipation, everybody shopping like there was no tomorrow.

Long ago, he'd taught himself to treat this time of year as just another passing season, and it was easy to carry on that way in the black, scarcely acknowledging any small observances his crew might make. But there was no way to escape or ignore the festive holiday atmosphere that was bubbling and brewing all around him.

The mystery was solved. Mal knew exactly what the others were up to. A coldness settled over him that had nothing to do with the local climate. He spun around and headed with long, dirt-eating strides back to the ship.

******

The holiday mood was getting to someone else, too. Jayne had found his way back to the dockside market area, where he'd run into Kaylee and River, and rudely brushed off their pleas to come back with them to the ship. No rutting way was he gonna get shanghaied into helping with all the Christmas doin's, no matter how prettily anyone asked. He wasn't about to cross that line--bad enough he had agreed to take part at all. Having to spend his hard-earned cash on other people was about as far as he'd go, which was a big enough sacrifice in his book. 

So he skulked around the edges of the market, trying to fit his mind around the concept of gift-giving. Of giving gifts that meant something to a person--that was supposed to be the point, near as he could figure. But it was giving him a whole lot of uncomfortableness. So was contemplating how they were going to get the whole crazy thing past Mal without some serious fallout.

Then he spotted a place whose wares were right in line with his own tastes--simple, practical, and cheap. He was in and out in ten minutes, with money to spare, and eight items all crammed into one big bag, feeling mighty impressed with himself. Now he could sneak his way back onto Serenity, dump the stuff in his bunk, avoid his shipmates, and head on out for some real fun in town.

Naturally, he ran into a slight complication. As he was crossing into the main roadway back to their docking point, he saw Mal. The captain was just standing there by the roadside, still in a way that gave Jayne a cold shiver. His face had the look of a man collating some serious data.

Jayne did the math--Mal must've left the ship before the others had returned. He'd have had no clue about what they were up to, and apparently was just figuring out why the town was all prettied up. Cap'n was slow on the uptake only once in great while...but he was sure as hell puttin' two and two together now.

Instinct set Jayne to moving mere seconds before the captain did. He cut a rapid swath through the remnant of the holiday crowds, turning once to be sure he was still ahead of Mal. The lack of Christmas on Serenity had never bothered him before, and he couldn't fathom why he suddenly felt it was so all-fired important now. It just--was, and captain or not, Mal had no cause to take it away from his crew.

The cargo bay was empty when he came charging in, but he heard laughter from through the aft hatch. He took a breath and hollered, "Preacher!"

Book appeared at the hatch, Kaylee and River close up behind him, their hands full of garlands and greenery.

Jayne grinned at them, kinda liking the special way he was feeling at the moment. This wasn't only about putting one over on Mal. It was all about being part of the crew. "Better get out them big guns o' faith, Preacher. Captain's on the way."

******

Among his afternoon prayers at the local chapel, Book had included a plea for strength, wit, and above all, patience for his anticipated confrontation with the captain. He didn't mind acting as the crew's advocate, and he knew that if it came down to it they would, for the most part, back him up. But a little bit of praying never hurt.

Jayne was practically bouncing up and down on his toes, looking terribly pleased with himself. "He's gonna be here any second, and he was lookin' mighty unhappy. He knows you're all up t'something."

Book nodded. He had hoped Mal would stay away from the ship for a while longer, but at least they'd had a chance to start some of their preparations for the morning. "Thanks, son. I think it might be best if you disappeared for a while."

"Yeah, but--"

"Just go on now." He'd found a mild tone and certain look usually worked better with Jayne than any other approach.

"Aw, hell." With a disappointed frown, the big man turned away and stomped up the stairs to the foredeck. "I always miss out on the fun."

Kaylee plucked nervously at Book's sleeve. She was a bit distressed, as if having second thoughts. "Preacher, you sure this is gonna be okay? It ain't worth getting you in trouble with the captain."

"Don't either of you fret, sweetheart," he said soothingly. "Things will be fine." He gave both girls a gentle push back down into the common area, which they had started transforming into a little piece of Christmas joy. "Just go on with your work."

They went, glancing back at him anxiously. Simon looked up from moving furniture, and smiled faintly. "Good luck."

"Thank you." Book rubbed his hands together, and threw his shoulders back. This was nothing like some of the challenges he'd faced in his former life, but it was going to be difficult enough. Malcolm Reynolds was a very stubborn man.

But so was the Shepherd known as Book. He heard loud, rapid footsteps echoing across the bay floor, and stepped quickly through the hatch, taking a stance just under the rear catwalk, effectively blocking the way into the commons. He took a deep breath and waited.

Mal saw him, and deliberately slowed his pace so he came to halt just a few feet away. He stood tall, hands resting on his gun belt. "Preacher."

Book had heard that tone from him more than once--not yet dangerous, but getting there. He answered readily. "Captain."

"Think you and me need to have a little chat."

"I'm always available to listen, Captain. It's what I do."

Mal made no move forward, but shifted sideways to peer over Book's shoulder toward the common area. From that angle, he had a clear view of the space between the infirmary door and the back wall, which was now hung with red, green and gold paper lanterns. He glanced back at Book, his eyes narrowed. "What you do, Preacher, is stir up no end of trouble. I imagine this was mostly your idea, and I suspect that someone might've brought up the fact that it wasn't a particularly good one."

"Yes, there was some mention of that," Book said calmly. "But it was also mentioned that since we're on leave, there shouldn't be any reason not to hold a small celebration in honor of the season."

"And what season would that be?" Mal asked in an insolent drawl.

Book felt a surge of pity for this man so lost to his inner demons. "A season already old when it came with humankind to the stars, one that changed yet stayed the same over the long centuries. For most folk, it's time of hope, of promise and renewal. For some, it will always have a deeper, truer meaning--"

"Not on my boat!" 

"--but no matter what anyone believes or not, it will always be about the spirit of giving, and sharing, and above all, a time for thankfulness."

Mal turned away, but not before Book saw the flash of pain in his eyes. "If anyone deserves the chance to celebrate the fact that they're still together, and still alive, I'd say it was this crew, Captain."

"You talked 'em into this, didn't you?" he asked, his voice cold. His hands tightened on his belt so hard the leather creaked. "When did you all plan to have this little shindig? While I was sleeping?"

Book had spent years learning to react calmly in the face of such bitterness and anger. "I simply made a suggestion," he replied patiently. "They each came to their own decisions, then agreed to celebrate together tomorrow morning."

Taking a step back, Mal shook his head in frustrated bewilderment. When he looked up at Book, some of the anger had faded. "Yeah, but somebody coulda at least asked me!"

"You would have said no," a ringing voice came from above.

Both men looked up, startled. Zoe stood on the stairs to their left, Wash just behind her, their expressions inscrutable. Further up, despite Book's suggestion, Jayne was watching too, leaning eagerly over the railing to catch every word.

The captain stared up in disbelief, then swung his gaze down, to where Simon, Kaylee and River were now in sight on the landing inside the aft hatch, watching anxiously. Behind them, Inara appeared, laying a supportive hand on Kaylee's shoulder, returning Mal's stunned look with cool hauteur.

He scowled, and faced the Shepherd. "I can still say no," he said, dropping his voice so the others wouldn't hear.

Book took a step closer, curling one side of his mouth in a manner he had perfected many years before, but had never yet used in the presence of this man he had come to admire in so many unexpected ways. "Say it then," he pressed softly. "Be the one to tell those children back there that after all they've been through lately, they can't have Christmas."

Mal's jaw dropped, and he blinked in astonishment. "I--you--" He drew back, crossing his arms, his face going hard. "Preacher, you have got a lowdown, dirty mean streak in you. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"Why, yes," he replied, letting his half-smile turn pleasant. "The brothers at the Abbey remarked on it often." Which was the gospel truth, Book recalled ruefully. "They said it was my worst failing."

"I bet." Mal glanced around at the members of his crew, his resentful gaze meeting only the same firm resolution, even from Jayne. He looked back at Book. "There's a word for this, you know."

"Solidarity?"

"Mutiny." But it was said with resignation, and disappointment. Pain surfaced briefly in his eyes again. "Fine," he announced at last. "You have your Christmas." Raising his head, and his voice, he went on. "You do this thing, and when it's done, we'll be off this rock a heartbeat later. Being dirtside seems to make you all go just a little crazy, and I ain't having that."

He turned on his heel and walked away. Wisely, the crew remained silent, as he reached the far stairway and climbed topside with loud, angry steps.

Jayne made quick tracks in the other direction. Breathing deeply, Book turned back to the young folks, while Zoe and Wash came down the steps to join them. As Kaylee took the Shepherd's hand, he smiled, offering up a silent prayer of thanks for what they had accomplished, and one of repentance for the manner in which he had done it.

******

He'd had the last word, decreed a fitting punishment so his crew would remember who was captain of this boat, and made a dignified exit. So why did it feel like he was in retreat?

_I never back down from a fight._

_Yes, you do. You do all the time!_

No, all he'd done this time was make a strategic withdrawal. Straight up to the bridge, as far from his crew as he could get without leaving the ship. Distance was required right now, and he'd maintain it as long as he had to. Chances were good that nobody would even speak to him for a couple of days anyway, which was just fine. No talking was needed to get Serenity back in the sky, they all knew the drill.

Get this little act of rebellion out of their systems, then everything would be back to normal. The devious ways of Shepherd Book might require a little extra watchfulness, that was all.

Mal leaned back in the pilot's chair, absently running his fingers along the console. He tried not to let his gaze wander out through the window, where twilight was settling over Bountytown, and the Christmas lights hanging everywhere were starting to shine.

Out there, in here...he was surrounded by it. But it wasn't going to get inside him. He wouldn't let it, not after all these years of disavowal. The spirit of the season had no claim on Malcolm Reynolds, not ever again.

Not ever...

The lights were getting brighter. He swivelled the chair around, but their reflections still glimmered from every metallic surface of the bridge. Bright as fire, raining down from the sky...

Mal shut his eyes, feeling his insides knotting up as memories rose from deep in his mind, unbidden, unwanted.

***

Fire pouring from the sky, Bendis fallen dead beside him. Zoe screaming his name, throwing him to the ground as bullets and energy beams shot through the air. The roar of countless ships overhead, and he knew, he knew without doubt that it must have been the same on Shadow, though no soldiers had died by the thousands there, just folks, just ordinary people....

Momma watching him drive a fence post into the dusty ground, pounding it over and over, asking him if he had something on his mind.

"No, Momma."

She'd known better. "Had a fight with Rafe, didn't you, son? Murdering that post ain't gonna make it any better--you best go apologize."

"But--he was wrong!" He'd been full of a twelve-year-old's righteous indignation. "Why should I say sorry?" 

"Because it's the right thing to do." And she'd snatched the mallet right out of his hand quick as lightning. "I'm not raising you to be a stubborn fool, Malcolm. Now get."

Growing older, trying to be wiser, to see things more clearly as she did. But the stubbornness came from her, and was already bred too deeply in him....

The drill sergeant studying him, as he stood tall, though he was ready to collapse like some of the others already had, after two days of survival training. Grinning through the sweat and grime on his face, feeling ready to puke, but asking why they couldn't stay out another day.

"Well, you sure are a stubborn one, ain't you, boy," the sergeant drawled. "Attitude like that, you might just live through this gorram war..."

Zoe staring at him with wide eyes as they crouched in a bomb crater, shrapnel and debris flying all around. She was as tough, maybe tougher, as any girl her age who'd had a hard life, but it was her first time out on night patrol, and it was getting to her. 

Yet she never faltered, as they ran and dodged back behind their lines. Only blinked when she'd seen he'd taken a stray hit, and never mentioned it. Third time she'd seen him hurt in a month, but she cleaned and wrapped the wound for him with her hands shaking only a little. Smiled shyly when he joked that she'd done it too tight, then finally saying something to him beyond her usual unwavering "Yes, sir."

"You're just too stubborn to die, aren't you, sir?"

He'd never answered that, not in words....

Going home, three days' leave before the next big campaign, confidence still high among the Independent brass, even after the long years of fighting.

Shadow had sent many sons and daughters to the war, but was still mostly untouched by conflict. It seemed unreal, to be back and find things for the most part unchanged. So he tried to appreciate it all the more, and feel truly a part of what was going on around him.

Filching fresh-baked cookies from the kitchen, like he used to. Hanging lights from the porch roof, the task they'd saved for him. Taking the reins for the midnight drive into town, sitting in church with Momma, Jess and Lily. Listening to Preacher Matthews read the words of the glorious old story, singing the songs still remembered from Earth-that-was, proclaiming all was calm, all was bright.

Saying good-bye, with promises it would all be over soon. Meeting up with the platoon at Athens base, shipping out to Hera before the new year had even turned.

Getting the news two months later, more than a month late, that the Alliance had hit Shadow, for no other reason than that they could. Ravaged and burned it, all for a show of power.

Holding stubbornly to hope, that something still lived on there, holding Serenity Valley despite the odds, in defiance of the enemy's boast. Not believing it, unable to comprehend it, weeks after, when the same power was turned on Hera, the whole might of the Alliance bearing down on one planet, raining fire from the sky to burn the last hope of the Independent cause to ashes.

Begging God for one last favor, for one small bit of mercy, that there was something to go home for. Learning how to live with a soul torn to pieces, hope and trust and faith dying all at once. Forsaking the past and what he'd been, becoming someone new and different yet somehow still the same. Building a new life, and finding Serenity....

***

He came back to himself with his head in his hands, feeling worn and beaten. It had been a good while since he'd been so overwhelmed by what was long past and gone, outside of nightmares.

Wasn't nobody's fault that it had happened now, just bitter and strange coincidence that had set them down during a favorable spell on a free and easy world at this time of year. Couldn't blame his crew for having a need he didn't, or Zoe for sticking with them. Hell, he couldn't even be all that mad at Book, for being such a clever, godly son of a bitch.

Mal scrubbed wearily at his face. He'd let them have this, but he was going to hold firm to his promise of cutting the leave time short. He could recognize his own need to be in control of whatever he could within his power.

He also suspected, that having given him some breathing room, some amongst his crew might try persuade him to be a part of their little celebration. It was well within his power to avoid that prospect--he wasn't going to be nobody's mission of peace and goodwill.

Right now he'd prefer to face the inevitability of Christmas out in the town there, rather than its immediacy on Serenity. Time for him to be gone.

He grabbed his coat and gloves from where he'd tossed them on the copilot's chair, then ducked down the narrow gangway to the upper hold, treading with care down the steps to the lower bay. Best he just go on out without risking an encounter with anyone. It was likely he wouldn't yet be able to respond to civil words with any politeness.

"Cap?"

He'd scarcely made it to the hatch. Why couldn't this have been easy? He didn't turn, simply glancing over his shoulder at Kaylee, not trusting himself to say a thing.

She was on the starboard stairway, watching him, biting her lip nervously. "Ain't you coming to supper, Cap? We fixed up something extra special, and we didn't start yet."

Well, at least Book hadn't been lying about that. "I'm going out," he said firmly. "I don't know when I'm coming back."

"But, Captain..." she tried again, her voice wavering.

Something snapped in him. "Kaywinnit Lee Frye, don't even think you're gonna get 'round me with them puppy-dog eyes. I am captain of this boat, and at this moment, I am leaving it." He heard a scrape of metal from above and spun around, pointing angrily at Kaylee's accomplice. "That goes for you too, baby sis!" he said to River, crouched by the railing and staring at him forlornly. "Beat it!"

The poor girl leapt to her feet and retreated topside, running like a frightened rabbit. Kaylee held her ground, glaring at him, even though she looked near to crying. "You-you are a monster!" she spat, then fled up the stairs quick as she could.

"Oh, son of a--" He rammed a fist against the hard metal of the ramp. How could he go and lose it and take it out on those two little girls? If he tried to go after them and make it up, he'd only make it worse.

Feeling ten kinds of miserable, he hauled open the hatch. When he turned to close it, he saw Inara emerge from the shadows under the stairs where Kaylee had been standing. From the scandalized look on her face, she must have witnessed the whole sorry episode.

Gorramit, he could not deal with her acting as his conscience yet again. "Well," he snarled, "you got something to say to me?"

Her expression went blank. "No," she coldly. "Not one word." She turned her back on him and walked smoothly away.

His heart felt like a jagged piece of rock pressing down on his chest, and for a second he couldn't even breathe. Then he went out into the night, letting the door to Serenity shut heavily behind him, feeling like the lowest piece of scum in the 'verse.

******

After much comfort and cajoling from Inara, Book and Simon, Kaylee and River were finally persuaded to join the others for a very subdued supper. With the leave cut short, Wash and Zoe had chosen to give up their night out, and maintain a united front with the rest of the crew. 

No one spoke about what had happened, and no one suggested that they abandon their plans for the next day. They were all keenly aware, without anyone saying it aloud, that they'd known what the consequences of their actions would be. The captain was mightily displeased, they would pay for it with the early departure from Tarquin, and life would go on, with none of it ever being mentioned again. That was the way it was.

There was something else weighing heavily on them, and it was Simon who finally had the courage to voice it out loud.

"Zoe, why does the captain have such strong feelings against Christmas? It's because of something that happened during the war, isn't it?"

The hush which had accompanied their meal so far deepened tangibly. Zoe stopped eating, and stared at Simon across the table. At her side, Wash looked on worriedly. The others waited just as tensely, wondering if she'd give the doctor an answer.

Simon continued to meet her stony gaze readily. After several long seconds, Zoe sighed, evidently fighting some inner conflict. "Yes," she said at last. "Mal's last leave home before the end of the war was at Christmas. And when the war was over, he didn't have a home to go back to."

No one said a word. Kaylee and Inara went pale, while River frowned uncertainly. Simon finally averted his gaze, as if ashamed for asking the question. Book's mouth set into a firm line, as he shook his head regretfully. Jayne's face twisted up in thought, then he shrugged and started eating again.

Wash let out a heavy sigh, and put a hand on her arm. "Zoe--"

"It's okay," she murmured, leaning against him gratefully for a second. "I guess you all had some right to know," she went on. "But that's the last I'll speak of it, and I'm asking that it never be spoken of on this boat again."

They all made quiet sounds of assent, though in Jayne's case it was more like a grunt. The meal was finished in silence, broken only when they began to clear the table, quietly discussing what still needed to be done for the party.

When the cleaning up was almost done, with everyone pitching in, Simon discreetly ushered Kaylee aside.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, taking her hands in his. After she and River had come flying into the galley, both on the verge of tears, he'd had a hard time supressing the urge to chase after Mal and punch him out. Though at the time, it had looked like Zoe and Inara might be willing to beat him to it. Even now, after hearing what Zoe had to say, he still felt Mal had gone too far with his anger and resentment.

"Yeah, I'm all right now," Kaylee said, running her thumb shyly over the back of his hand. "Captain's just got his ways, is all. He's yelled at me before--but I wish he hadn't been so mean to your sister."

"He had no call to yell at either of you, that _bu mingan liumang_ ," he said gallantly, squeezing her hand gently, then letting go. "I'm going to get River tucked into bed early. We all had a big day, and I want to be sure she'll be feeling all right for tomorrow."

Kaylee nodded, smiling with determination. "We're gonna have a nice Christmas, no matter what."

He couldn't help but smile back at her, thinking more unkind things about the captain for treating her and River so shamefully. "Of course we will," he agreed. Then, because the moment seemed to call for it, he threw caution to the winds and bent to kiss her quickly on the cheek.

"Oh!" She stared at him in wonderment, putting her hand to the spot his lips had touched.

Before she could react further, Simon backed away, smiling so she'd know he wasn't too embarrassed by his own boldness. He went after River, and led her away to the aft stairs, hastily bidding everyone good night.

In a daze, Kaylee wandered happily out the other hatch to her quarters, unaware of the surreptitious scrutiny of her elders. When she was out of sight, Jayne let loose with a loud snicker.

"Aww, ain't they just too cute?"

Zoe whipped around and smacked him hard on the arm. "For that, you can move your ass downstairs and finish hanging those Christmas lights."

"The hell I will!" he protested. "The night's still young, and there's a whole town full of opportunities out there waitin' for me." He threw the dish towel he'd been using at Wash, and strode out of the kitchen. "I'll see all you happy people in the morning," he called back over his shoulder.

"Jerk," Wash muttered, hanging up the towel. "Don't worry, babe, I'll take care of the lights."

"I'll give you a hand," Book said, putting away the last of the dried dishes. "Then I think I'll turn in. Good night, ladies." They went out together, leaving Zoe and Inara to the last of the tidying up.

"It was very brave of you to answer Simon's question," Inara said, after a few minutes of silence.

Zoe shrugged. "Had to be done, I guess. An understanding was needed."

"Do you think he'll try something in the morning?" the Companion asked, gazing off into the distance, as if conjuring up an image of the captain for herself.

"Doubt it. He's already said how it's to be, and I don't think he'll go back on that." Zoe sighed deeply. "He is going to be a pain in the ass to live with for a couple of days, though."

Inara smiled with fond resignation. "When is he not? I just wish..." She shook her head, unable to finish the thought. She untied the towel she'd been wearing as an apron, and carefully smoothed the folds of her dress. "I have to finish wrapping presents. Good night, Zoe."

"Good night."

Left alone as quiet settled over the ship, Zoe poured herself a cup of coffee, then took a seat in the lounge, contemplating the day's events. She owed her life and loyalty to Malcolm Reynolds a thousand times over, but didn't truly feel that she had betrayed a confidence by sharing her knowledge with the rest of the crew. Mal had never spoken to her directly about that final leave; she knew of it only as one terrible event of many from those last months of the war.

She wasn't sorry that Wash had convinced her to take part in the crew's bold move, and didn't regret that she had stood up to Mal about it when Book had taken him to task. Sometimes, a line had to be drawn, and a person had to decid which side to stand on. Maybe it was time someone reminded Mal of that, and maybe she was the one to do it.

"Zoe?"

Wash was leaning through the forward hatchway, concern etched on his face. She hated seeing his usual affable, lovable expression overcome by worries, hated it more that it wasn't an uncommon occurance. 

"You coming to bed, sweetie?" he asked.

"Soon, dear," she assured him. "Got some thinking to do."

He ran a hand through his hair. "Thinking about waiting up for Mal, by any chance?"

She couldn't detect any jealousy in his voice, but she answered evasively. "Maybe."

Her dear, sweet husband simply nodded. "Give him hell, babe." He blew her a kiss and headed off for their bunk.

Zoe leaned back, taking a sip of coffee. It might be a long night, considering that Mal might not even come back, choosing to stay away till his crew was done with Christmas. That would be just like him, she thought with fond exasperation.

But she'd learned a thing or two about mule-headedness from Malcolm Reynolds, and settled down for a wait as long as it needed to be.

******

Considering the sorry state he had left things in, Mal had only the faintest hope that returning to the ship would be easier than his abrupt departure. 

His own state of emotional turmoil had eased somewhat, though he was still feeling uncomfortable in his own skin, all skittery and on edge. Part of it was being away from Serenity for too long, part of it was dread at getting through the next ten hours or so. It was akin to being on the eve of battle, though his intention was not to fight with his crew. He wasn't going to give in. They wouldn't either. It would just be a matter of moving on past this regretable stalemate.

It was just past midnight when he boarded Serenity. All seemed peaceful and still as he locked her down for the remainder of the night. By the glow of the low power night lights, he moved quietly through the ship, taking care of a few things that needed doing. He finished up in the galley, then decided it was time to turn in. He'd had enough of this day.

"Sir?"

He must have jumped a good foot in the air. "What the hell--" Stumbling around to regain his balance, he peered behind him into the shadows. "Zoe?" Of all the people he might have expected to be waiting in ambush for him, it wasn't his first mate.

She rose up from a chair in the lounge, stretching her shoulders languidly. "Had yourself a good time out on the town tonight, sir?" she asked, her tone deceptively pleasant.

He gave her an intimidating glare, not easy in the dim light. "What the hell are you doing here? Thought you and Wash were spending the night off the ship."

"Changed our minds," she said. "Didn't seem much point in it, considering."

So, he had to deal with the guilt of that now, too? Rutting hell. "That's your own business," he said, indignation burning in his throat. "And don't even think about me changing mine, _dong-ma?_ "

She took a step closer, and he could see only the usual steadfastness on her face. "That's _your_ business, sir," she replied, her voice betraying her displeasure with him as she walked on by toward the foredeck.

"Zoe..." It came out as more of a plea than he wanted it to.

She glanced back.

He rubbed a hand against his forehead, feeling lost and confused as he slumped against the counter. "Why--how did this happen? I didn't--I thought you'd be the one to back me up, who'd understand."

"I understand, Mal," she said softly. "I always do. We've all got burdens to carry on this boat--our own, and sometimes each other's. But you can't expect any of us to carry this particular burden for you, 'cause it just ain't right. And sometimes, you just have to know when it's time to let a thing go."

His throat closed up tight as he realized the hard truth of her words, shaming him. There was only so much a captain could expect from a crew, that a man could demand from his friends. Sometimes, if a thing wasn't given freely, it wasn't worth the having.

Giving and sharing, Book had said. A time for being thankful, for being part of something bigger than your own self. Could you lose a family, be lucky enough to gain another, and not know how to be grateful, because you were too fearful of losing everything all over again?

Zoe was watching him, waiting. But there was nothing he could say to her, and finally she turned away and left him.

Mal stood there a while longer, wishing the quiet of Serenity could seep down inside him again, and take away some of the hurt. Finally, he pushed away from the counter, and walked with heavy steps to his bunk, with too many things to ponder. The only thing he knew for certain was that sleep was going to be a hard commodity for him to come by.

******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part contains the one scene I could picture most clearly while plotting the overall story--Book carrying through on his promise to deal with the captain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew holds their ground, while Mal tries to regain his. Will there be a happy ending? Well, this _is_ a Christmas story...

******

 

Sleep didn't come much easier to the rest of Serenity's crew that night, so not very long after dawn had broken over Bountytown, they gathered in the common area for their early Christmas. After some slight awkwardness, the spirit of the season began working its own particular magic, and they were able to enjoy themselves.

The lanterns glowed brightly, and Kaylee had piped in some soft, festive music. They were all talking and laughing as the gifts got passed round. Book was presiding over the punch bowl, handing out cups of hot spiced milk, smiling paternally.

Even Jayne, a bit more bleary-eyed than any of the others, was into the spirit of things. He was handing out T-shirts--all in his size--that were garishly emblazoned with the legend: "My buddy had a good time in Bountytown, and all I got was this _fei-hua_ shirt!"

River had put hers on immediately, right over her dress. It hung down near to her knees, but she didn't seem care, skipping around the commons in graceful little dance steps, showing it off, as her brother smiled indulgently.

Everybody was having a real good time.

Mal watched from the other side the aft hatch, trying to keep out of sight. He wasn't sure what had drawn him here after his restless night, still plagued by conflicting emotions.

Joy that it was, though, to see his crew happy and for the time being unfettered by worries, he was still feeling outmaneuvered and more than a bit pissed-off. Shepherd had pulled a fast one, no question, and his crew had rebelled in a way he'd never dreamed possible.

He'd punished them, for nothing more than wanting to snatch some happiness out of life. Damn. And here he stood, watching them pull it off, wishing he wasn't such a miserable, low-down bastard. Wishing things could be different.

But a person feeling all selfish and uncharitable had no right to be in there with them, spoiling all the fun. That wouldn't be in the spirit of the season at all.

"Mal?"

He turned, and Inara was behind him, pretty as she ever was in a sparkly gown, her hair all done up with jeweled combs. She was carrying a basket, full of various-sized packages tied with multicolored bows.

"Hey. Don't you look nice." The compliment was out of his mouth before he recalled their last encounter.

"Thank you." 

"So you're speaking to me now?" he asked curtly, raising one eyebrow.

She studied him for a moment, her expression cool. "It seems I am." She gestured towards the merry group beyond. "I'm fashionably late. Would you like to be my escort?"

"Would I what?" He couldn't believe that she was asking. Never mind that part of him wanted in, wanted to share and feel that spirit Preacher had talked about. More of him didn't want to be the beggar at the feast. He looked at the gifts she held, then into the commons, where Kaylee was parading around in her T-shirt, showing everyone the brand-new tool kit Wash and Zoe had given her. 

No, he didn't want to be the one to walk in there with an empty soul, empty-handed.

Inara was smiling at him coaxingly, like he was a wayward kid. She put a hand on his arm. "Come on, now."

Shame was burning on his face, he knew it; knew it was there in his eyes too. "I--can't, Inara," he said roughly. "Not my place. 'Sides, I didn't get nothing for nobody. Wouldn't be fitting."

"Oh, Mal..." Her smile turned sad, and she squeezed his arm in compassion. Her eyes went all shimmery, like stars in the black, and she sighed deeply.

His heart near about stopped beating. It was like she was looking right down inside him, trying to find the empty spaces and fill 'em, and make some of the pain that never left him go away. They could know each other fully as man and woman, yet never be as close or knowing of each other as it seemed at this moment. He wanted to reach for her, just to touch her hand and say without words what he always tried to hide with rough talk and insults...

But before he could move, she took her hand from his arm, curled those soft, delicate fingers into a tight fist, hauled off and punched him in the shoulder.

" _Ben dan!_ " The soft look in her eyes was gone, replaced by an angry glitter. "Malcolm Reynolds, you are the stubbornest, stupidest man I have ever met! That doesn't matter one bit to them, or to me."

He stared at her, totally shocked. "Huh?"

The exasperation on her face brought back memories of his momma, of all things. She raised her hand again, and he actually flinched. But all she did was give him a firm shove.

"You get in there and join your crew. _Ma-shong!_ "

His brain was still uncomprehending, but his feet got the message and carried him through the hatch. Inara was right on his heels, poking his back unmercifully in case he got second thoughts. They arrived the bottom of the landing with more than a bit of noise.

The clatter silenced the merry-making. Everyone looked up, with varying degrees of surprise or alarm. Except for Book and Zoe, whose twin expressions of "Don't you dare ruin this!" were particularly fearsome.

Mal stared back, trying to school his expression into one of captainy sternness.

"Uh, hey, Cap," Kaylee said uncertainly, twisting her fingers in the loose sides of her new shirt.

"Hey," Mal echoed her faintly, all too aware of Inara standing firm behind him. At least they were all looking as uncomfortable as he was feeling. 'Course, that was making him feel worse. Despite what Inara had said, it made a whole lot of matter to him, to have something he could give to his crew. A gift, he suddenly realized with a guilty twinge, that only a captain could give, worth more than anything coin or credits could buy.

He cleared his throat, trying to make it sound authoritative. "Just wanted to--to ask if y'all felt up to handling a coupla extra days dirtside. Have ourselves a real vacation."

Zoe's eyebrows went up, and Wash's jaw dropped. Book smiled--smugly, damn him, while Jayne just stared. Simon was gaping a bit, too. River was grinning like--well, like a kid on Christmas.   
It was Kaylee who broke the stunned stillness. She gave a little whoop, then ran forward and threw her arms around him. "That's my mean old captain!" she said gleefully, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

Mal couldn't do anything but hug her back, immensely relieved and absurdly pleased with himself. "Thank you, _xiao mei-mei_ ," he whispered against her hair. 

She pulled back a little, beaming at him. "You're only a monster sometimes," she teased him boldly.

He gave her a crooked smile and hugged her again. Over her head, he could see the others looking on with approval, and knew he'd been forgiven for being such a jackass. Things were smooth now. He could let go of another piece of the past, and maybe live with Christmas, after all.

He felt a little pat on his back that didn't come from Kaylee. Inara brushed by them gracefully, and as he caught her eye, she just shook her head and whispered, " _Ben dan._ "

It seemed like the sweetest thing she'd ever said to him.

Kaylee slipped out of his embrace as the rest of the crew crowded around him. He accepted a round of handshakes and backslaps good-naturedly, then found himself face to face with Book. This might not be so smooth.

With an uneasy smile, Mal said, "Not a word, Preacher."

Book's eyes crinkled with amusement. "Then how about two words, Captain? Merry Christmas."

Mal snorted mildly. "And the same to you," he replied, cordially accepting a cup of milk punch.

The Shepherd put down the ladle and picked up his ever-present Bible, slipping something out from under the cover. "I paid a courtesy visit to the local pastor yesterday," he said. "He very kindly allowed me to log in some time on his Cortex connection, so I could send a Christmas greeting to the brothers back at Southdown. I also managed a little information gathering while I was at it." He handed Mal a memory tab. "Flight plans and schedules for upcoming Alliance patrols in several quadrants."

"Whoa..." Mal held the tab gingerly, as if it might explode. "That's...some Christmas present, Preacher. Thanks. I think."

"Don't worry," Book assured him. "I left no tracks behind me."

"I guess I don't wanna know how you pulled this off, do I?"

Book nodded sagely. "Best you don't, son."

"Uh-huh." He smiled weakly, and tucked the precious object carefully into his shirt pocket. Such a little thing, worth so very much to him and his crew. He was grateful Book had taken such a risk for them all, though it was a bit worrisome.

Mal decided to let it pass, and settled down on the couch to enjoy the view as Inara passed out her gifts. He laughed harder than anyone as Jayne opened his--a box of very fragrant incense cones. Large ones. 

"Uhh, hey--" Jayne was making a mighty effort to be polite, even as his nose wrinkled up. "Thanks." He shoved the box hastily under his chair, then handed Inara another of the king-size shirts. "Here ya go."

"Thank you," Inara said, all graciousness, winking at Kaylee as she turned away, holding the shirt up against her body. It clashed wonderfully with her dress.

Mal laughed even harder at the sight. Inara simply smiled at him.

" _Bi zui!_ " Jayne snapped, scowling. He threw the last of the shirts into Mal's face. "Merry ruttin' Christmas!"

By the time Mal stopped laughing and got the shirt folded up, a small pile of presents had appeared, as if by magic, on the table in front of him. He looked around quickly, but nobody was near or paying him any mind. Before he got up the nerve to even think about opening them, River plumped down on the couch next to him. Her face was glowing with happiness.

"Hey, sweetheart," Mal said. He was a bit surprised but not displeased when the girl moved closer and rested her head against his shoulder, as fondly as she might do with her brother. "Havin' a good time?"

"Time to shine," she said, looking up at him shyly. "No time like the present."

"They do say that," he agreed, wondering if maybe the excitement was proving too much for her. Things seemed to be quieting down though, as folks drifted in and out of the commons.

River pulled a box wrapped in plain paper out of the pocket of her dress. "Everyone shines," she said with serene certainty. "Everyone's good, even when they're bad." Solemnly, she placed the box in his hands, keeping hers cupped around them for just a moment. "Be good," she said, gazing into his eyes with a disturbing intensity. "Be careful."

Mal couldn't help but feel a shiver run up his spine. They all knew River's sanity was still a fragile commodity, and despite their increasing fondness for her, that she'd always be an unraveled knot of mystery, with the power to unnerve them with a mere word or look. 

He was feeling powerfully unnerved right now, as he took the present and cautiously began to unwrap it. The box made an ominously familiar sound that gave him another jolt of alarm.

"Whoa--hey now, this ain't right!" he protested as the sight of the label confirmed his fears. "River, honey..." He was trying his best not to frown too hard and upset her.

But she was smiling again, all joyful and child-like, patting his hand. "Be careful," she repeated. "Keep everyone safe."

Simon appeared abruptly, sitting down next to his sister and wrapping a protective arm around her. "It's all right, Captain," he said in hasty assurance. "The bullets were Kaylee's suggestion."

Mal looked down at the box of ammo, then across the room at Kaylee. She shrugged helplessly, giving him a little nod of encouragement.

"Besides," Simon continued with a wry smile, squeezing River's shoulder affectionately, "it was either the bullets, or the rather large Rose Dancer doll she fell in love with at one of the shops in town."

"Oh, well then," Mal said, smiling with relief, "thank you. Very thoughtful--and practical." He patted River's hand in reassurance. "And I will use them with great care," he promised.

She bounced to her feet, grabbing her brother's hand. "Thank you for the extra leave," she said, grinning. "Simon could really use the time off!" She dragged him away, heading in Kaylee's direction.

Their place on the couch was immediately taken by Inara, although she maintained a more discreet distance. She held one last gift.

Mal stretched one arm along the back of the couch, across the gap between them. "That for me?" he asked with feigned disinterest.

She smiled, in that infuriating superior manner that made him crazy. "It might be. I don't know if you really deserve it."

"What?" He put a hand to his chest. "Am I making a fuss? Ain't I sitting right here, partaking of this festive occasion?" He turned away from her for a moment. "And speaking of festive," he added loudly, "why the hell ain't there no eats at this shindig? Who's in charge of the food?"

"Whoops!" Kaylee broke away from her conversation with the Tams. "That'd be me. I'm on it!" She went up the stairs, two at a time.

Mal looked back at Inara, smiling benevolently.

"Oh, yes," she said. "It's wonderful the way you changed your mind."

"Or had it changed for you," Zoe commented as she strolled by, carefully not looking at either of them.

Mal shook his head, trying not to laugh. "Plots and conspiracies. I may just have to go out and find myself a new crew."

"You'd never find one to match what you have already," Inara said softly.

He dared to stretch his fingers out a bit further, to brush her shoulder for only an instant. She didn't seem to mind. "That is true."

She smiled again, in a totally non-infuriating way. "Maybe you deserve this after all," she conceded, holding out the package to him.

He had scarcely put his hand on it when a loud shriek reverberated down from the foredeck. Mal jumped up, automatically accounting for River's presence before recognizing the source of the cry. "Kaylee!" He went charging up the stairs, Simon, Inara, and River right behind him.

Up top they met Zoe coming out of the engine room. As they all converged on the kitchen, Wash and Book were already there, frozen in the bridge-side hatchway, staring open-mouthed. Jayne stood transfixed behind them.

The sight that awaited them froze Mal and the others, in just the same fashion.

Kaylee was standing by the long dining table, her face pale, pointing with a shaking hand at what had evoked her scream. "I-I come in, and it was just there. Outta nowhere! It--it wasn't here before, I swear it!"

It was a tree--but not a real tree. Tree-shaped--specifically, Christmas tree-shaped, a cone set into a large, ceramic pot. No piney branches, though. Instead, the whole thing--all three-feet tall of it, was covered top to bottom in wondrous things.

Fresh, succulent fruit--apples, mangoes, net bags of strawberries, heavy bunches of grapes. Cello-wrapped packets of frosted cookies, hard candies, sugared almonds and rice cakes, all done up with pretty ribbons. Pouches of tea leaves. Tiny, glistening bottles of liqueurs and flavored syrups. Little jars full of spices. It was a riot of food, colors and delicious smells.

"Oh, my." Book broke the spell of amazement in his typically dry, understated way.

Simon ran forward and took charge of Kaylee, quickly assessing that she'd come to no harm and wasn't in real shock. "What happened?"

She looked at them all, zeroing in on her captain. "I told ya--I walked in, and there it was, sitting there." She looked back, a slow grin lighting up her face. "Ain't it pretty?"

"Yeah--it's all sorts of beautiful," Mal scoffed, finally finding his voice. Too damn pretty--like a bug-catching plant. "How the hell did it get in here?" he demanded. Mysteries were never to be treated lightly, not even on a day such as this. He thought they'd been safe and secure in this port, and didn't want to even imagine that an enemy might have gone to such lengths to get at them.

River had joined Simon and Kaylee. She was smiling, but her eyes had that distant look which could be mystifying and troublesome. "Someone came down the chimney," she announced.

"Hey--no!" Wash hopped down the steps and crossed the kitchen, somewhat warily, to meet Zoe. "We saw one of those in a shop in the better part of town, didn't we, sweetie? Damn thing cost a small fortune."

She nodded. "It did that."

That narrowed it down to only one suspect for Mal, and he rounded angrily on Inara. "Well, surprises are nice an' all, but you coulda given Kaylee--any of us--a heart attack! What the hell were you thinking?"

"Me?" she exclaimed indignantly, getting right in his face. "What makes you think I had anything to do with this?"

He glared at her. "You were conveniently late to the party, and you're the only one who could afford such a thing!"

As the rest of the crew goggled at the confrontation, River spoke up, unheeded. "Shiny presents under the tree. Someone came down the chimney."

Inara took a step back, hands on her hips. "Oh, really?" she spat. "And how did you spend your hard-earned money, Captain Reynolds, when you went to town last night?"

"Huh? That's none of your gorram business!" He turned away from her, seething. He'd lost his temper, most likely without a real cause, and ruined the day after all. But he still wanted to get to the bottom of this.

He took a step towards the table and waved his hand at the gift-laden tree. "Someone better 'fess up. If I don't find out how this thing got on my boat, I'm gonna pitch it--"

River darted forward and grabbed his hand, blocking his way. "No peeking!" she scolded him. "No telling. Someone came down the chimney. You have to comprehend. It's just a gift, and that's all." 

She stared at him with her wild, knowing eyes, and he wanted to trust her. Girl had her own gift, that had been proved time and again, and he knew she wouldn't let any of them come to harm.

Zoe came up beside him. "I'd like to believe her, sir," she murmured, "but I don't know if we should take--"

"Oh, _wuh de ma!_ " Wash pushed past them, giving River a fond smile as he stepped around her, and strode determinedly to the table. He grabbed the biggest, shiniest apple off the tree, and faced everyone, holding it up in the air for their inspection. Then, as Zoe gasped at his intention, he took a big crunchy bite out of it.

"See?" he sputtered, chewing happily. "Sometimes you just gotta have faith."

Mal smacked himself in the forehead. "Wash, you stupid son of a bitch..."

The pilot blithely ignored him and took another bite.

Book smiled. "Well said, son."

"Woo-hoo! You go, little man!" Jayne cheered. He approached the tree and plucked off the biggest bag of candy and several of the liqueur bottles, squinting as he read their labels.

Wash smiled at his wife, and held the apple out to her. She hesitated for only a second, then stepped forward, giving him a look that promised all kinds of repercussions later as she bent her head and took a bite.

He threw his arms around her and hugged her tight. "That's my brave lambie-toes," he said proudly.

River giggled. "Told you so," she said to Mal, then beat a hasty retreat back to her brother's side. He wisely stayed silent, although his expression betrayed smug delight in his sister's audacity.

"Fine." Mal flung his hands in the air, giving up. He marched past Inara, who ignored him, into the lounge area and sat down in the armchair. "What're ya going to do with all that fancy grub?" he said pointedly to Kaylee.

Jayne snorted, and pulled a bunch of grapes from the tree. "Eat it, a'course."

"Stop that!" Kaylee ordered, slapping his hand away as he reached for more. "It's so pretty--just leave it be for a while." She carefully rearranged a few bags of treats to cover up the bare spots Jayne had left in his depredations. "We can have some of it today, and a lot of the fruit will stay good in the cooler."

Inara examined the tree more closely. "Quite a few of these packages are steri-sealed," she noted. "They'll keep indefinitely, mei-mei. We can save some for other special occasions."

"Mmm-hmm," Kaylee agreed, her fingers brushing over a bag of plump strawberries. "These would go awfully nice with breakfast," she said, smiling with anticipation.

Book joined them. "I can make a nice fruit compote," he offered, putting an fatherly arm around Kaylee.

"P'nc'kes," Jayne mumbled through a mouthful of grapes as he sat down at the table with his booty

Wash and Zoe had just finished munching their way through the apple, ending with a nice juicy kiss. "Somebody else shopped for groceries yesterday," said Wash, as he came up for air. They joined the others, along with River and Simon, around the table. "I saw a jug of fresh cider in the cooler!"

"I seen fresh eggs in there too," said Kaylee.

"Eggs!" Jayne was ecstatic. "Let me at 'em!" He pushed back from the table so hard that he nearly fell over the chair.

With a riotous burst of laughter, a fresh party broke out as they discussed, planned and all pitched in to make a sumptuous holiday breakfast. Kaylee judiciously harvested some select items from the gift tree, then moved it reverently to one end of the table to be out of the way of the preparations and cooking.

Mal stayed where he was, resisting the partying mood.

*****

Inara busied herself with brewing a pot of tea, using one of the choice blends from the tree. River was helping her, painstakingly sorting through their collection of cups and mugs for the least battered ones. As Inara let the fragrant leaves steep, she sent a sidelong glance toward the lounge, where Mal was--well, it had to be said. The man was sulking.

"Don't pay him no mind," said Kaylee, as she passed behind the stove to fetch some plates. "He's only a little tetchy. Sometimes he's happier that way."

"He's being such a child," Inara protested. She had the urge to march over and slap some sense into him again.

River looked up, holding out a mug that had a large crack in it. "Mal. Bad, in the Latin," she pronounced somberly.

Kaylee stared at her. "Wh-what?"

She held the mug high in the air, and for a moment Inara feared she intended to throw it at something--or someone.

"River!" Simon hurried over to soothe his sister, pulling her arm down and taking the mug from her. "You know by now that's not true," he scolded her.

She shook her head willfully, yanking her hand out of his grasp. "Not bad. Just sad. Malcontent. It's too crowded for him--" She tapped a finger against her temple--"in here."

Inara felt a cold shiver pass over her. The troubled young girl usually exhibited more control in speaking out loud what she might read from any of her shipmates. Yet none of them had to be psychic to realize their captain was beset by fresh worries and old fears.

"The captain does have a lot to think about," Simon compromised with his sister as he offered an apologetic smile to Kaylee and Inara. "Come on, let's go give Book a hand."

Kaylee slowly piled up the plates. "Inara, it don't matter where the tree come from, does it?" she asked plaintively.

"No, sweetie, it doesn't matter at all."

"Good." She looked across the room at her friend, heaving a little sigh. "Hope she can get through the rest of the day without takin' a bad turn," she said, smiling faintly at Inara as she took the stack of plates back to the table.

"I hope we all can," Inara murmured to herself, looking back in Mal's direction. Dare she approach him again, and try to break him out of his shell of self-imposed misery? He'd ruin the day for certain if someone didn't get him to snap out of it.

Quickly, she finished making the tea and set the pot aside to keep warm. Then she slipped unnoticed out the foredeck hatch, to take the long way back down to the commons, to retrieve the present Mal hadn't had a chance to open. 

She could still hold it back, somehow find a quick substitute, but her instincts told her that she'd made the right choice, even if it was a terribly risky one. And with the perilous life they were all living out here in the black, she couldn't be certain there would ever be another opportunity like this--to show him something she couldn't in any other way.

******

Odd man out again, Mal sat and brooded. It wasn't that he was feeling angry or resentful, but he'd lost whatever holiday spirit he'd managed to conjure up earlier. The need to know just where in hell that damn tree had come from was itching at him something fierce. He suspected, though, that he was never going to find out, and that every single member of his crew would tell him it wasn't worth getting fussed about.

So he resigned himself to just sitting, letting the sounds and smells of what was shaping up to be a damn fine breakfast waft over him. But that wasn't enough to lift him out of his funk.

He wasn't so far down, though, that he didn't hear a soft footfall he recognized immediately. Slowly, he tilted his head up to meet Inara's penetrating gaze.

"Well, go on then," he told her. "Say it."

"Say what?"

"That I'm a miserable, ornery son of a bitch."

She didn't even blink. "Yes, Mal, you are, and every person on this boat knows it."

"Hey!" He sat up straight, glaring at her. "I ain't that way all the time."

"Which is the only reason we're able to put up with you," she retorted, gracefully stepping around his feet to sit in the chair beside him.

"So it ain't for my charming personality and good looks, then?"

"Hardly," she said, not quite looking at him. But there was a smile in her voice.

He liked that, although his thoughts were taking a serious turn again. "Come on, Inara," he said, leaning a little closer to her, "tell the truth. You bought that thing in there, didn't you?"

"Mal, I told you--I had nothing to do with it! And honestly, I thought you were responsible, at first, until I saw how upset you were by it."

"Me?" he snorted incredulously. "Hell, I wouldn't waste good money on a fancy thing like that, and you know it."

She bent nearer to him, suddenly all serious herself. "What did you spend your money on last night, Mal?"

He drew back from her close scrutiny, his first instinct to refuse to answer. But there was no reason not to tell her--everyone would suss it out sooner or later. "Food," he replied shortly.

Inara nodded, glancing over at the kitchen. "Cider, fresh eggs, lots of canned goods. Not to mention the inevitable proteins."

"Yeah."

"What else?" she prompted.

"Some spare engine parts. Don't think Kaylee's found 'em yet, but they're stowed back there."

She didn't let up. "And...?" 

"New filters for the recycling system."

"Always a plus," she noted, finally relenting and sitting back. "That certainly is a great deal of 'nothing' you managed to pick up."

He shrugged in discomfit. "Nothing more than a captain's responsibility," he tried to explain. He hadn't thought it was that big a deal--not like picking out personal gifts for everyone.

"You are such a fraud," Inara said, shaking her head.

"Just figuring that out now, are ya?" he said, only half-teasingly.

She shrugged one elegant slim shoulder. "I knew it from the day we met." 

He looked at her, trying to read what was in her half-lidded eyes. Then he finally noticed she was holding the present he had left behind when they'd gone after Kaylee. "So, is that still for me, or am I suddenly undeserving?"

It pleased him no end to see her blush, just the tiniest bit. "Of course. But there are other presents waiting for you downstairs." 

"I'm thinking perhaps I'll save those for the real Christmas Day," he said. "Though if you really want me to open yours..." He smiled provokingly.

The suddenly solemn look on her face was unsettling. "Yes, Mal. Please do."

He took it from her hesitantly, undoing the bow and paper with as much care and trepidation as he had unwrapped River's gift. This one was just as surprising.

It was a bound book, as worn and old-looking as Preacher's Bible. Faded gold letters were imprinted on the front, and Mal had to tilt it into the light to read them. "'Shadow of...Shadow of Earth'?" He shot a puzzled look at her.

"It--it's a reprint of a book that was written almost a hundred years ago," she explained haltingly. "It's a history of how one world was terraformed, and the people who originally settled there...and named it Shadow."

Mal felt the blood draining from his face. "How did--I never said--"

Inara glanced at him warily, then looked away, speaking in an agitated rush. "Zoe mentioned it once, in passing--and also said it was a forbidden subject. But I saw the book in the shop--the proprietor said it was something of a rarity--and I had to buy it. Even though I wasn't sure if I'd actually give it to you..." She stared down at her hands, which he saw were trembling slightly.

So were his own as he held the book, his mouth gone dry and his throat tight. "Oh..."

The story of his homeworld's founding wasn't unknown to him--there were legends and epic tales which had passed on in song and by word of mouth through the generations. He'd never known, though, that anyone had taken the time to write it all down, make it into a genuine book. For all that it had been written decades before his birth, and that he survived while his world was no more, the fact of its existence made it seem like Shadow did live on, in some strange way.

Inara was playing nervously with the beads on her dress, still not looking him. "The man at the bookshop said I could bring it back, and have it treated for preservation. It will look the same, but last much longer. The shop should be open by the time we finish breakfast, so I could go then..."

She was flustered in a way he'd never seen before, and it touched him deeply. What she had done--she must have known that she was pushing way past a certain boundary, crossing a line they'd never actually drawn, but which existed between them nonetheless. Yet she had bravely taken a chance anyway. For him. 

He knew, no doubt as she did, that the odds were greatly against them ever having any normal sort of human relationship. There were too many different things dividing them, conspiring against them.

But they were capable of trusting and respecting each other. They had managed, somehow, on some odd, unexpected level, to become friends. All the games, the childish sniping and bitter disagreements were what made their friendship unique. The rare moments when they could get along and be kind made it all the more special.

He ran his fingers reverently over the old book, loving the weight and substance of it. This was a piece of the past he'd willingly hold on to, and he could do it without pain, all because it had come from her...his friend.

His long silence was getting to her, he could tell. Boldly, he put a hand over hers, stilling the anxious movements. She stared at him, her dark eyes full of apprehension.

"Would you care to have an escort when you go into town, ma'am?" he asked, smiling gently.

Damn. He'd made her blush again. But she gave him a tremulous, radiant smile, bowing her head graciously. "I would be honored to have you accompany me, Captain Reynolds."

He tucked the book safely back in its wrappings, laid it down on the side table, then offered her both hands. She took them, and he gently pulled her to her feet. "First thing after breakfast, then," he promised.

"All right," she agreed.

As they walked to the table, where their friends and breakfast were waiting, he bent down and whispered, "We'll just sneak out and let the others clean up."

Inara gasped, then covered her mouth with her hand as it turned into a delighted laugh. They were both grinning like idiots when they sat down, ignoring the speculative looks they received.

Book raised his glass of cider. "Shall we at least have a toast, Captain?"

Mal lifted his glass. "Sure, why not?" He waited for the Shepherd to continue, then realized they were all waiting with raised glasses for _him_ to do the honors. "Oh. Well then..." Put on the spot, he was at a complete loss.

Inara kicked him under the table.

"Uh, yeah..." Was it a bad sign that he liked it when she beat up on him? He dodged away from that thought in a hurry. "Right." He lifted his glass high. "To this happy holiday..." 

That sounded like weak tea, but his people all around him were happy, content and joyous. His people...his family. A deep satisfaction washed over him, settling in his heart.

"And...and to the finest crew any captain ever sailed with," he finished, smiling broadly.

"And the best captain in the 'verse," Kaylee swiftly rejoined, her eyes shining.

Among the echoing cheers, Book pronounced a hearty "Amen!"

Mal didn't mind at all.

******

After the sumptuous, festive meal was finished, Mal and Inara made good their escape, for the most part unremarked, except for a loud, lewd whistle from Jayne. That earned him another smack from Zoe, and sole responsibility for doing the dishes after the rest of them cleared the table. He grumbled and whinged--there was far more than the usual amount as a result of the lavish meal. But he set to it after informing everyone he planned to spend the rest of the leave off-ship, no matter what it cost him for lodgings in town.

"Anything to get the hell away from all of you for a while," he asserted.

The Shepherd beckoned Zoe and Wash aside for a moment. "If you two still want a chance to spend at least one night in good lodgings," he said, handing them a small business card, "the brother of the local pastor runs a very nice place. Mention my name, and you'll get the best accommodations available, including a private bath."

Wash blinked, then grinned from ear to ear. "You are..." Words failed him, so he settled for shaking Book's hand vigorously for several seconds. "Thank you!"

Zoe broke her usual reserve, giving the older man a quick, grateful hug. "Preacher, you are a wonder," she said. "I'm leaving you in charge till Mal gets back, okay?" she added, not entirely joking.

"We'll all be fine," he assured her, shooing the couple away.

With Simon's help, Kaylee had moved the Christmas tree to a place of honor in the lounge. "Don't nobody touch it!" she ordered, looking at right at Jayne. He ignored her, still grumbling at the dirty dishes.

"What do you have planned for the day?" Book asked the younger members of the crew.

Kaylee took the doctor and his sister each by the hand, swinging their arms back and forth exuberantly. "Simon and River are gonna teach me all the fancy dancing they do in the Core!"

Simon went bright red. "Um, well, River's the dancer, really...I--I never had that much time to attend that many balls, um, with school and, you know, my studies and..."

River smacked him on the arm impatiently. "You fibber!" She turned to Kaylee. "He is a very good dancer," she said, pushing them both off to the aft hatch, following demurely as she waved at Book.

He chuckled, delighted that the three of them were off to have some fun. His own plans for the day would be less vigorous, but satisfying enough, as he had volunteered for some Christmas charity work at the chapel. It would be good penance for his illicit use of the pastor's Cortex terminal.

For now, he finished the chore of putting away the fixings and few leftovers from breakfast, and taking care of the foodstuffs from the tree that needed immediate safe storage. The crew was going to feel pampered for quite a while with all this bounty.

Jayne looked up from his assigned chore and saw what he was doing. "Quite a thing, ain't it?"

"Indeed. A princely gift," Book said, leveling an emphatic gaze at the big man.

"Ahh, _tzao gao_ ," he scoffed, his face nearly as red as Simon's had been. "It ain't that big of a deal. But thanks for the loan, anyway, Preacher." 

"It wasn't a loan, son. I was more than happy to contribute. But I have to ask--why such an extravagant gesture? It's really not your style at all," he said, without censure.

Jayne shrugged diffidently, obviously uncomfortable with his own generosity. "I dunno. It was just--well, I figured I could do some good in this 'verse, least once before I kick." He pointed vehemently at Book. "And I'll ask you again to keep your mouth shut about it, _dong ma?_ "

"Of course," Book said calmly. "Just remember, good works are always taken into consideration somewhere."

"Uh-huh," Jayne mumbled, scrubbing fiercely at a stubborn stain on a pot. "Little River might have sussed me out, though," he groused. "All that crazy talk about chimneys, an' all."

Book walked over to store some of the more delicate fruit in the cooler. "I wouldn't worry," he said, clapping Jayne encouragingly on the shoulder. "She had the chance to tell, and she didn't. Your secret is as safe with her as it is with me."

"Yeah, I guess...what say we have ourselves another secret, Preacher, and you give me a hand drying these gorram dishes?" Jayne asked with a sly grin.

He grabbed a dish towel, shaking his head. "You're a bad influence on me, son," he complained cheerfully.

They finished up the job together, trading jibes and jokes, unaware of a nearby presence.

River stood in the shadows of the aft hatch, hugging the wall, feeling the faint comforting vibration of Serenity in standby mode. "Everyone's good," she whispered, watching the two contradictory men beyond, hearing the sounds of ballroom music start from below. "Everyone shines."

Reveling in her own inner peace, she skipped off down the stairs to dance and play with her beloved brother and her best friend.

******

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, things did get a wee bit sappy at the end. But eleven years on, I still want this crew to have good things happen to them.


End file.
